Twilight Bloopers!
by ScorpioGirl1987
Summary: HIATUS It is...what it is. Title is self-explanitary. Characters may be OOC.
1. Twilight

**...Don't you just ,love thinking up fanfics on a whim? XD**

* * *

**I do not own _Twilight_. It belongs to Stephanie Meyer and...whoever made the movies.**

Bella: (voice over) This is Charlie. Single overprotective dad with a nice job. Hmmmm...this sounds like a Disney movie...

Bella: (laughs) Oh my God, it does! (laughs harder)

Director: CUT!

XX

)Charlie gives Bella a truck. Bella is excited)

Bella: Oh my God, this is perfect! Wow! (opens door and accidentally hits Jake in the family jewels)

Jake: AAAH! HOLY SHIT! YOUI HIT ME IN THE-

Director: Cut!

(Take two)

Bella: (opens door and knocks Jake unconscious) OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY! (shakes Jake) ARE YOU OKAAY?

Director: Oh my God. Can we PLEASE get something right?

XX

Jessica: (pointing to Jasper as he walks into the cafeteria) That's Jasper. The one who looks like he's always in pain.

Jasper: (snorts and cracks up) Sorry! Sorry! Can we do that again?

(Take 2)

Jasper: (walks in and cracks up) Sorry!

(Take 3)

Jasper: (walks in trying to hold back laughter, and fails)

XX

Bella: You're super-fast, you never eat, you're super strong,. And your skin is ice-cold...

Edward: Say it...say it...

Bella: You're...THE SMOIKE MONSTER! AAAAH! (runs)

Edward: ...What the hell?

XX

(Bella and Edward lay next to each other in the meadow. Edward snores, and Bella swats him awake. Edward laughs)

XX

(Bella and Edward are in the meadow. Bella leans over Edward and strokes his hair)

Bella: (singing) What would I give to live where you are/ What would I do to see you smiling at me/ Where would we walk/ Where would we run/ If we could stay all day in the sun?/ Just you and me/ And I could be/ Part of your world...

Edward: Not bad.

Bella: Thanks!

XX

Bella: Oh, thanks! I'm starving!

Edward: She already ate.

Rosalie: (upset, tries to break the bowl but can't) What the hell? (squeezes bowl, but it still doesn't break. She squeezes harder) BREAK, DAMN YOU! (Smashes bowl on counter. Shards of glass shoot in her eyes. Rosalie screams) MY EYES! AAAH! SOMEBODY GFET ME TO DAMN HOSPITAL!

Director: (laughing) Cut!

XX

Bella: Diplomas?

Edward: (stares) Uh...what's my line again? (He and Bella laugh)

Director: "Inside joke. We matriculate a lot"!

XX

(Edward is showing Bella that he's "dangerous" by pulling her around the forest. He yanks on her arm and accidentally dislocates her shoulder)

Bella:" (screaming and crying) MY SHOULER! OW! GOD! YOU DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER!

Edward: (frantic) Sorry! I'm sorry. I'll set it back! (Sets shoulder back in)

Bella: (screams again and hits Edward) I HATE YOU! (Runs off crying)

Edward: (Rejected) What'd I do?

XX

_Bella: (singing)_

_In a perfect world_

_One we've never known_

_We would never need_

_To face the world alone_

_They can have the world_

_We'll create our own_

_I may not be brave or strong or smart_

_But somewhere in my secret heart_

_I know_

_Love will find a way_

_Anywhere I go_

_I'm home_

_If you are there beside me_

_Like dark turning into day_

_Somehow we'll come through_

_Now that I've found you_

_Love will find a way_

_Edward: (singing)_

_I was so afraid_

_Now I realize_

_Love is never wrong_

_And so it never dies_

_There's a perfect world_

_Shining in your eyes_

_Both:_

_And if only they could feel it too_

_The happiness I feel with you_

_They'd know_

_Love will find a way_

_Anywhere we go_

_We're home_

_If we are there together_

_Like dark turning into day_

_Somehow we'll come through_

_Now that I've found you_

_Love will find a way_

_I know love will find a way_

Alice: ...That was random. (pumps fists) AND AWESOME!

XX

(Edward turns on CD player, but instead of Debussy...)

CD Player: EVERYBBODY DANCE NOW! (music)

Edward: ...

(take two)

CD Player: Caaaaan you feel the loove tonight?

Edward: (growls slightly)

(take 3)

CD Player: The phaaaaaaaaaantom of the opera is theeeeeeere inside your miiiiiiiind...

(Take 4)

CD Player: And it's aall right/ It's coming on/ we gotta get it right back to where we started from

(take 5)

CD Player: Is this thing an open door/ walk right through to something more/ you and me/ My life would change in a second

(Take 6)

CD Player: SOMEBODY SAAAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEE/ LET YOU WARM HANDS BREAK RIGHT THROUGH

(Take 7)

CD Player: I got chills/ they're multiplying/ and I'm losing control/ From the power/ you're supplying

(Take 8)

CD Player: Simple and clean is the way that you make me feel tonight/ It's hard to let it go

Edward: Ok, this is getting ridiculous!

(Take 9)

CD Player: My sanctuary, my sanctuary yeah...

Edward: OH COME ON! We're not even Japanese!

Eric: (Storms in angrily and karate-chops Edward in half) Bitch. (Walks off)

Edward: Ugh...somebody play the "I'm going crazy" song...

Bella: (singing) You've got me going crazy-

Edward: I WAS BEING IRONIC!

XX

(Bella's hair is caught in the wind, and James smells is)

James: You brought a snack.

Emmett: Yep! Sure did! (pulls out cookies, graham crackers, protein bars, and chex mix)

Bella: Um, Emmett, I think I'M the snack!

Emmett: ...Oh.

XX

Bella: (Kisses Edward, and he flies against the wall and crashes through it) Oooh! Um...Edward? Are you okay?

Edward: FINLAND!

Bella: ...I'll take that as a no.

XX

Bella: He's coming after me?

Edward: (Sarcastic) No, Bella, he's going to bring you flowers.

Bella: Oh...really?

Edward: NO, YOU BLONDE!

Bella: (winces) God...

XX

Bella: (answers cell phone) Hello?

James: (Creepily) You die in seven days...

Bella: ...OMG!

(Take 2)

Bella: Hello?

James: I drink yo' milkshake, I drink it up!

Bella: PERVERT! (throws phone out window) ...DAMMIT!

(Take 3)

Bella: Hello?

James: Find Buffy...he'll know...what to do... (hangs up)

Bella: Um...okay?

XX

(Bella runs through the ballet studio, trips, and cracks up)

XX

Bella: (pulls out pepper spray and sprays it in James' eyes)

James: AAAAH! (grabs eyes and starts walking off) MOTHJER! FATHER! BROTHER! SISTER!

Bella: (cringes) Nice lungs...

XX

James: (Slams Edward against the mirror) You're here first, because you're the fastest...not the strongest...(Edward is silent) Uh...you have a line. (lets go and laughs)

XX

Bella: (Standing at her open window) Oh, Edward, Edward! Wherefore art thou Edward? Deny my father and beseech thy name...

Edward: I thought this movie is based on a Jane Austen book.

Bella: ...It is.

XX

Bella: (Is writhing and shrieking in pain from James' bite)

Carlisle: Edward...there is a way. You can suck the venom out of her-

Edward: No! I can't...

Carlisle: Yes, you can. I believe in you, son.

Edward: That's not it. He bit her left boob.

Alice: So? Isn't it every boyfriends' dream to touch their girlfriend's boobs?

Edward: IT'S INNAPPROPRIATE!

Alice: Just do it, Edward! I'm sure she won't mind!

Edward: Um...I...I...don't want-

Bella: EDWARD! SUCK ON MY BOOBS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Alice: (winces) Jeez!

XX

Edward: Bella, this is Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett.

Carlisle: Uhhh...what's my line? (laugh)

Esme: I forgot my line, too!

Rosalie: Ditto!

(They all laugh)

XX

(Edward dips Bella low, and she slips, tripping Edward. They fall to the ground.)

Bella: ...You have beautiful eyes.

Edward: (laughs)

XX

* * *

Emmett: (in front of camera) I loved working on _Twilight_! It was fun!

**Let me know what you think! New Moon bloopers coming soon!**


	2. New Moon

…**..Heh. I guess "soon" turned out to be almost a year and a half. XD Sorry.**

(Music starts playing as Edward gets out of his car and starts walking slowly towards Bella. Instead of wearing his open gray button down collar shirt, Edward wore a black leather jacket and sunglasses.)

Director: Oh, very funny, Edward. Cut!

Everyone else: (laughs)

XX

Bella: (Gets a paper cut) Ow. Paper cut.

Jasper: Bella, are you oka- (smells blood) Oh. Ohhh that's good. (Smiles evilly)

Carlisle and Emmett: (Gasp) Intervention! (As Jasper lunges for Bella, Carlisle and Emmett pin him against a wall)

Jasper: Just one bite!

Carlisle: Remember, Jasper- humans are friends, not food!

Jasper: Food! (Breaks free and lunges for Bella)

Edward: (grabs Bella and makes a run for it)

Director: ...Cut?

XX

Bella: I'm gonna go again. (Revs up motorcycle and drives it down the street. Instead of seeing Edward, she sees Mufasa and Sora from Kingdom Hearts) What the fu- (crashes) ...I'm okay.

Director: Cut! Medic!

XX

(Sam, Jared, and Paul snicker at Bella. Bella punches Paul.)

Paul: (Get's extremely pissed) JUST LET ME AT HER! (Lunges for Bella, but Sam and Jared hold him back) I'M GONNA HIT YOU SO FREAKING HARD, YOU BITCH!

Sam: PAUL, CALM DOWN!

XX

Alice: I have never met anyone so prone to life threatening idiocy.

Bella: Really? Have you met Goofy?

Alice: (stares, then laughs) True that!

XX

Jacob: Bella, what are you doing?

Bella: (morosely) I'm saving the jerk who dumped me. (laughs) I'm sorry. I couldn't resist!

XX

(Bella runs through the fountain and trips over the edge. She groans as people laugh)

Cameraman: Can that be part of the movie?

XX

(Felix is about to rip Edward's head off. Bella cries out)

Bella: No! Not Edward. Not Edward! Please! Kill me instead! Not Edward!

Aro: Oh, hell no! You did not just copy off Harry Potter!

Bella: (shifty eyed) Maaayyybe.

Director: Cut!


	3. Eclipse

**Well, I bet you guys feel loved. Two chapters in one night! This will be the last update until both Breaking Dawn parts come out on DVD. So...yeah.**

Bella: (Disdainfully) Another party, Alice?

Alice: It'll be fun!

Bella: That's what you said last time.

Alice: Don't worry, I'll keep you away from paper.

Edward: Good. (To Bella) And I promise not to break up with you this time. (winks)

Bella: (rolls eyes)

Mike: ...Some blooper this is.

XX

(Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, and Alice are chasing Victoria through the woods. Emmett looks behind him, but doesn't watch where he's going. He slams into a tree)

Emmett: Who put that there?

XX

Edward: My Bella is just too fragile.

Bella: (Deadpan) Gee. I wonder how we can solve that.

Edward: Anything short of turning you into a vampire.

Bella: You do realize it's the only way we can stay together forever?

Edward: (sigh) Stubborn.

Bella: Look who's talking.

XX

Charlie: Hey, what's going on here? (silence for a few minutes, then...)

Edward: (points to Jake) He kissed Bella!

Jake: (Points to Edward) He's overprotecting her!

Edward: He broke her hand!

Jake: He broke her heart!

Edward: He's a werewolf!

Jake: HE'S A VAMPIRE!

Charlie:...

Bella: ...Awkward.

XX

Edward: (To Jake, sporting boxing gloves) MY Bella!

Jake: (also sporting boxing gloves) No, mine!

Bella: Guys, come on. There's plenty of me to go around.

Edward: (to Jake) Listen, mongrel. You stay away from Bella. She's mine. And no one is taking her away from me.

Jake: I saw her first!

Edward: Well, I kissed her first.

Jake: Yeah...well..you suck!

Edward: So do you!

Jake: Go to hell!

Edward: (Pins Jake against a wall) That's exactly where I'm gonna send you unless you stay away from Bella.

Jake: What. A. Threat! Look out, Freddy and Jason! Edward is coming to town!

Edward: FUCK YOU!

Jake: Right back at you!

XX

Bella: There's a bed. (The bed in Edward's room is the exact same bed as the one in Phantom of the Opera) You've got to be kidding.

XX

**Sorry, guys. That's all I got.**


End file.
